Worky, work. Busy bee.

Blogging is going to be down for the next few days and maybe even longer. We are trying to do some work around the house and trying to get ready for when I start my new job on Monday. Things on here will pick up again when we get settled, but it may be a week or two. I'll have more pictures and videos of Eli then too.

"I can't blog now, I'm in the zone over here."

And for those of you wondering what exactly a technology director does, here is a brief video that details my job description.

"I don't got time for pain! The only pain I got time for is the pain I put on fools who dont know what time it is! Whoo!"

Turkey Day Eve

Things have been pretty hectic around the Schmitz household lately.

You never realize how much spare time you had pre-rugrat until you have one. We've become well trained in the art of night napping, the practice of sleeping 1 or 2 hours and then getting up and trying to get Eli back to sleep.

Amber and I haven't had a date since Eli was born. Our new concept of dating involves Godfather's, driving around Carroll, and walking through Wal-Mart. I know, I'm such a romantic husband.

While I seem to have more personal time than Amber with her feeding Eli, personal recreation is at an all-time low. As opposed to watching a movie, I now see a trailer for new movie while watching my recording of The Office after Eli falls asleep. Instead of sitting down and reading a book, I catch up on my reading by watching the 6 AM news on Channel 13 in closed-caption format.

And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Tonight is Thanksgiving Eve and things have been extremely busy for us the past 2 weeks. We are still preparing the house to look as good as possible for potential buyers. I've been trying to wrap up projects at work while planning and preparing for my new job. We're still trying to figure out how we are going to manage me working over an hour away from our current house. And Eli doesn't know when to slow down.

He hasn't been sleeping well lately again, but he is getting closer and closer to walking. The last few nights he has been taking about 3 or 4 steps between me and Amber and walking along the furniture. He still has a ways to go on his balance, but if I had to take the over/under on when he will be walking and the line is Christmas, I'm taking the under.

Amber isn't feeling well tonight. I think she is probably more warn out than anything with as active and sleepless that Eli is. I hope she is feeling better by tomorrow, because we have a big day of Thanksgiving festivities planned.

Eli is getting big and trying to do everything. He is pulling himself up on things and is even starting to be able to occupy himself a little bit with his toys.

I don't know why, but lately he seems to love his Dad even more than usual. I leave the room and he's either screaming or crawling to come find me. I had better enjoy it now, because it won't last forever.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Holiday Cheer

In the spirit of the holiday season, I have choreographed some videos for you all to enjoy. I plan to have them in a video format on the blog itself, but in the mean time, here you go:

Deck the Halls
Jingle Bells
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Dashing Through the Snow
Jingle Bell Rock

Insert shameless plug [here]

Things I like:

Daniel Rosmann's Blog
http://seizurebear.livejournal.com/

He thinks I plagiarize from his material, but I've probably read it so much that I think some of his ideas are my own. Good stuff and he blogs more often than I do.

For my personal favorite of all time, go here. Warning: I laughed so hard when I read this that I had tears in my eyes.

My video/multimedia business
http://www.triplemproductions.net/

If you know anyone getting married, that's my specialty. Help feed my kid! The website is under construction.

Our house with a SOLD sign in the front yard.


It's for sale and it can all be yours, if you're the next contestant on The Price is Right!

Next post: Canned peas or frozen peas? What are you using in your tuna casserole?

Also: seizurebear.livejournal.com sues aboutschmitz.blogspot.com for a record setting $1.2 billion for plagarisim. Ben Matlock to try the case.

Moving!

So I was listening to KNOD the other day, and Ron Novotny tells me he walked into Hy-Vee and saw "BUNS! 99 cents!"

"12 pack Coke products, 3 for $8.00!"

"Van Camp Pork and Beans...only 59 cents!"

He then brought up that it was Harlan's Crazy Days Sale and that if I missed this sale, "[I'm] crazy!"

So I said, "That's it. That settles it. I'm not standing for this any more. We will not miss another Crazy Days sale under my watch. We're moving back to southwest Iowa."

Shelby County missed us too much and I couldn't go any longer without Klubhaus Tacos, Tiny Lund Festivals, and parish picnics. Well, that, and the fact that I got a job with the A-H-S-T School District as Technology Director.

We are very excited to be moving back to the area. We're not sure where we are going to live yet, but will probably be looking to buy once we sell our house in Carroll. If anyone knows of any acreages that may be for sale, let us know. Also, if you know of anyone interested in giving us land, materials for a house, and building a house for us, that would be appreciated also. Just keep your eyes open for guys with hammers, big piles of lumber, and "Free Land" signs nearby.

Most likely, we will have owned 3 separate homes in a span of approximately 4 years. We should be institutionalized. This will be our last move in a long, long time. The next time I move it will most likely be to south of the Mason-Dixon line when I am old and gray.

I'm extremely excited for the job. I'll be responsible for managing and developing the technology in the A-H-S-T schools. They have a new elementary school under construction and I will have the opportunity to get involved in a lot of different areas like coaching and classroom involvement along with the main responsibilities of the position. It should be fun.

I will miss my job in Carroll, but this was an opportunity that we couldn't pass up. I had mentioned to Amber that I may look into teaching and education administration earlier this summer and this would allow me to see if that would be what I really want to do and the location would be great as we would like to be a little closer to brothers and sisters and grandma and grandpas.

It's been really tough on us that last 2 years living so far away from family. The long trips home for holidays have been brutal. We typically stay the night at a location about halfway in between. I prefer Templeton. Amber is a fan of Manning. Eli likes to "rough it" by camping out at the Park and Ride on HWY 71. Either way, it will take a lot of stress off our marriage by eliminating the pain of living so far from home.

When we don't have time to drive, we usually fly. The move will prevent us from having to pay those excessive airfares. I guess I'll have to find another way to build up my frequent flyer miles.

In all seriousness, we are very excited to be living closer to home and are looking forward to Eli becoming a Future Viking or Future Cyclone. With as much energy as he has lately and as much trouble as he likes to cause, I'm just praying it isn't Future Fugitive. And if you think it couldn't get any worse than that, I have two words for you: Future Husker.(gasp) No wonder I don't sleep as well as I used to.

Before we leave, I thought I would pass on a few tidbits of info that Carrollrillians may like to know prior to our transition. Below are the three most common questions I received from people in Carroll since I've lived here...because enquiring minds want to know.

Question: How could Harlan lose a McDonald's, but keep the Burger King?
Answer: The Burger King took down the HamBurgler in Wrestle Mania XVII, thus taking control of the local fast food burger chain monopoly.

Question: The football team is way too good. They must put steroids in the water, right?
Answer: Of course they put water in the steroids. I was just unfortunate to be on rural water my whole life. :(

Question: There's a lot of money in Shelby County, isn't' there? (Same question can be said for Shelby County residents of Carroll County)
Answer: It all depends on where I live. Wherever I go the money goes. Coincidence? I think not.

So if anyone is looking for a home in Carroll, IA, please, let me know. I will accept tacos as currency in lieu of cash. Terms of the transaction are contingent on not telling Amber that I will accept tacos for real estate. The exchange rate on tacos right now is definitely favorable. Financing available.

Next post: Matt finishes his post by previewing his upcoming post, only to largely disappoint all blog readers when he writes about something completely unrelated.

Side note: Whatever happened to that post Matt promised about similarities between babies and chihuahuas?

Also: More Matt talking about himself in the third person. It's riveting.

In addition: Due to popular demand, more brief titles followed by a colon and incomplete sentences.

Gimmie Three Steps

This is my attempt at Simponizing Eli. http://www.simpsonizeme.com

Last night Amber, Eli, and I were all down in the basement hanging out. Eli's new thing is pulling himself up on various things and showing off by waving one hand in the air. He thinks he's the bomb when he does this.

So anyway, Amber is folding clothes out of the laundry basket and Eli decides to pull himself up on the side of the basket. We were just watching him showboat in his victory stance and he all of the sudden decided to take off toward me, about 5 feet away. Before any of us knew what was going on, he had taken about 3 steps right towards me and was still standing when Amber, shocked by what had happened screamed and grabbed him because she thought he was going to fall down.

The whole event was pretty exciting. Eli got startled by Amber's reaction and in a span of about 7.3 seconds, Amber had gone upstairs to grab her phone, call her mom, and alert the press. Please see tomorrow's Harlan Tribune for the full details.

We'll probably see Eli walking here shortly. He can't wait.

I spent the weekend with vendors from my job visiting from Ohio. They run an HVAC company in Dayton, OH. Friday and Saturday were pretty exhausting for everyone. We went to dinner on Friday night and then tailgated, went to the ISU football game (which was awesome), and finished the day with and ISU basketball game on Saturday. A good time was had by all.

Here is a commercial from the company that was in town. I like it. It's not like other commercials you would see for this type of business and definitely catches your attention. All it needs is a voice-over from Ron Novotny. "They come wreck-a-mended!"

Tomorrow: Big, huge, shocking, earth-shattering news. Stay tuned.

The Laundry Basket 500

It's amazing the things we do to entertain ourselves anymore.

Since Amber and I haven't publicly humiliated ourselves on the blog quite yet, we thought no time like the present. Tonight the Laundry Basket 500 took place in our basement since Eli's taken a liking to the basket. At least this will give Eli a reason to laugh at his crazy parents when he's older.

And I also forgot to post the winning Halloween costume. It was a tough decision, but Elmo won out over the rest.

Eli, Inc. Announces Third Quarter Earnings, Dirty Diapers

Eli, Inc. (NYSE:ELIJAH) reported $3.2 million in net earnings for the third quarter in 2007. Eli, Inc., a subsidiary of Schmitz Enterprises, was acquired on February 3rd, 2007 and has seen much success in the first nine months of operation. Dirty diapers are also up 13.6%, with nearly 7.3% of the blowout variety.

"We were looking to expand our portfolio and really tap into the grandparent segment of the market," said CFO Matt Schmitz. "I really think that we have accomplished that with this acquisition."

In addition to testing well with the grandparent market, Eli, Inc. has also been extremely popular with the Wal-Mart Cashier demographic, elderly shoppers at the local Fareway, and waiters and waitresses in the Mexican Food Service industry.

The development of Eli, Inc can be traced back to nearly two years ago.

"I was the prime incubator of the business model we had proposed," said COO Amber Schmitz. "CFO Matt Schmitz provided the capital and planted the seed to expand the market. All in all the project took about 9 months to get off the ground."

While the initial public offering was scheduled to take place on February 1st, CEO Eli Schmitz made the decision to delay the offering by 45 hours as he was still in the process of developing the finishing touches of the company website. Despite the rocky start, Eli, Inc. has grown by leaps and bounds in its first 9 months of existence.

"A lot of research and development was done on our part in the first quarter," said Matt Schmitz. "We really had no idea what we were doing."

The first and second quarter marked many ups and downs, but the company began to build a lot of momentum halfway through the fiscal year.

"We hit a snag at the beginning of July with a substantial drop in bowel movements, said COO Schmitz. At first we thought it was the overall environment of the bear market and conflict in the Middle-East. It was later found that rice cereal and bananas were the cause of the lackluster performance. We quickly remedied the problem by launching a oat cereal and squash campaign. The results have been beyond our expectations."

Third quarter results have been beyond forecasts, but would have been more impressive without the 17% drop in Sleep.

"Overall, the synergies of adding Eli, Inc to our company portfolio have been very impressive both in the tangibles and intangibles," stated CFO Schmitz, "but the disappointing Sleep results leave us susceptible to our competition."

"All the other key ratios such as crawling, attempting to walk, laughing, sitting up, and spitting up have been increasing at a steady rate."

Schmitz Enterprises plans to continue to grown Eli, Inc. for many years to come with the ultimate objective of splitting it off to operate independently years down the road.

CEO Eli Schmitz is currently under investigation for questionable accounting practices and was unavailable for comment.

CEO Eli Schmitz was last seen in the Bahamas last week. This papparazi photo was taken of Eli celebrating his 9 month birthday with supermodels in a jacuzzi.

Financials (In millions of USD)

Income Statement

Total Revenue - 3,200.00

Gross Diapers - 6,068.00

Operating Drool - 2,303.00

Net Spit Up - 1,930.00

Balance Sheet

Total Current Cheerios - 31,572.00

Total Toys - 53,340.00

Total Current Teeth - 4.50

Total Steps - 21,860.00

Total Gallons Milk - 31,480.00

Cash Flow

Cash from Pooping - 2,738.00

Cash from Baths - -4,971.00

Cash from Stroller Walks - 504.00

Net Change in Wipes - -1,729.00

Key Stats & Ratios

Net Profit Margin - 20.46%

Operating Margin - 24.14%

EBITD Margin - 4.35%

Return on Average Boogers - 15.15%

Return on Average Changings - 25.18%

Emergency Room Visits - 1