Just Pictures

For those of you who have not seen Eli in a while, here are some pics. I promise, I will start posting some info soon. Merry Christmas!

Where's China?

After a two week hiatus from blogging, I'm going to make an attempt at posting here regularly again.

I started my new job last Monday and Amber, Eli, and I are temporarily moved back to Shelby County. We are staying with her parents right now because I have been and will be working quite a bit in the coming weeks. I really need to get familiar with my new position, because right now I feel a lot like this guy:

"Where's China?"

I'll have some more pictures and information up tonight or tomorrow night. That's all for now.

Worky, work. Busy bee.

Blogging is going to be down for the next few days and maybe even longer. We are trying to do some work around the house and trying to get ready for when I start my new job on Monday. Things on here will pick up again when we get settled, but it may be a week or two. I'll have more pictures and videos of Eli then too.

"I can't blog now, I'm in the zone over here."

And for those of you wondering what exactly a technology director does, here is a brief video that details my job description.

"I don't got time for pain! The only pain I got time for is the pain I put on fools who dont know what time it is! Whoo!"

Turkey Day Eve

Things have been pretty hectic around the Schmitz household lately.

You never realize how much spare time you had pre-rugrat until you have one. We've become well trained in the art of night napping, the practice of sleeping 1 or 2 hours and then getting up and trying to get Eli back to sleep.

Amber and I haven't had a date since Eli was born. Our new concept of dating involves Godfather's, driving around Carroll, and walking through Wal-Mart. I know, I'm such a romantic husband.

While I seem to have more personal time than Amber with her feeding Eli, personal recreation is at an all-time low. As opposed to watching a movie, I now see a trailer for new movie while watching my recording of The Office after Eli falls asleep. Instead of sitting down and reading a book, I catch up on my reading by watching the 6 AM news on Channel 13 in closed-caption format.

And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Tonight is Thanksgiving Eve and things have been extremely busy for us the past 2 weeks. We are still preparing the house to look as good as possible for potential buyers. I've been trying to wrap up projects at work while planning and preparing for my new job. We're still trying to figure out how we are going to manage me working over an hour away from our current house. And Eli doesn't know when to slow down.

He hasn't been sleeping well lately again, but he is getting closer and closer to walking. The last few nights he has been taking about 3 or 4 steps between me and Amber and walking along the furniture. He still has a ways to go on his balance, but if I had to take the over/under on when he will be walking and the line is Christmas, I'm taking the under.

Amber isn't feeling well tonight. I think she is probably more warn out than anything with as active and sleepless that Eli is. I hope she is feeling better by tomorrow, because we have a big day of Thanksgiving festivities planned.

Eli is getting big and trying to do everything. He is pulling himself up on things and is even starting to be able to occupy himself a little bit with his toys.

I don't know why, but lately he seems to love his Dad even more than usual. I leave the room and he's either screaming or crawling to come find me. I had better enjoy it now, because it won't last forever.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Holiday Cheer

In the spirit of the holiday season, I have choreographed some videos for you all to enjoy. I plan to have them in a video format on the blog itself, but in the mean time, here you go:

Deck the Halls
Jingle Bells
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Dashing Through the Snow
Jingle Bell Rock

Insert shameless plug [here]

Things I like:

Daniel Rosmann's Blog
http://seizurebear.livejournal.com/

He thinks I plagiarize from his material, but I've probably read it so much that I think some of his ideas are my own. Good stuff and he blogs more often than I do.

For my personal favorite of all time, go here. Warning: I laughed so hard when I read this that I had tears in my eyes.

My video/multimedia business
http://www.triplemproductions.net/

If you know anyone getting married, that's my specialty. Help feed my kid! The website is under construction.

Our house with a SOLD sign in the front yard.


It's for sale and it can all be yours, if you're the next contestant on The Price is Right!

Next post: Canned peas or frozen peas? What are you using in your tuna casserole?

Also: seizurebear.livejournal.com sues aboutschmitz.blogspot.com for a record setting $1.2 billion for plagarisim. Ben Matlock to try the case.

Moving!

So I was listening to KNOD the other day, and Ron Novotny tells me he walked into Hy-Vee and saw "BUNS! 99 cents!"

"12 pack Coke products, 3 for $8.00!"

"Van Camp Pork and Beans...only 59 cents!"

He then brought up that it was Harlan's Crazy Days Sale and that if I missed this sale, "[I'm] crazy!"

So I said, "That's it. That settles it. I'm not standing for this any more. We will not miss another Crazy Days sale under my watch. We're moving back to southwest Iowa."

Shelby County missed us too much and I couldn't go any longer without Klubhaus Tacos, Tiny Lund Festivals, and parish picnics. Well, that, and the fact that I got a job with the A-H-S-T School District as Technology Director.

We are very excited to be moving back to the area. We're not sure where we are going to live yet, but will probably be looking to buy once we sell our house in Carroll. If anyone knows of any acreages that may be for sale, let us know. Also, if you know of anyone interested in giving us land, materials for a house, and building a house for us, that would be appreciated also. Just keep your eyes open for guys with hammers, big piles of lumber, and "Free Land" signs nearby.

Most likely, we will have owned 3 separate homes in a span of approximately 4 years. We should be institutionalized. This will be our last move in a long, long time. The next time I move it will most likely be to south of the Mason-Dixon line when I am old and gray.

I'm extremely excited for the job. I'll be responsible for managing and developing the technology in the A-H-S-T schools. They have a new elementary school under construction and I will have the opportunity to get involved in a lot of different areas like coaching and classroom involvement along with the main responsibilities of the position. It should be fun.

I will miss my job in Carroll, but this was an opportunity that we couldn't pass up. I had mentioned to Amber that I may look into teaching and education administration earlier this summer and this would allow me to see if that would be what I really want to do and the location would be great as we would like to be a little closer to brothers and sisters and grandma and grandpas.

It's been really tough on us that last 2 years living so far away from family. The long trips home for holidays have been brutal. We typically stay the night at a location about halfway in between. I prefer Templeton. Amber is a fan of Manning. Eli likes to "rough it" by camping out at the Park and Ride on HWY 71. Either way, it will take a lot of stress off our marriage by eliminating the pain of living so far from home.

When we don't have time to drive, we usually fly. The move will prevent us from having to pay those excessive airfares. I guess I'll have to find another way to build up my frequent flyer miles.

In all seriousness, we are very excited to be living closer to home and are looking forward to Eli becoming a Future Viking or Future Cyclone. With as much energy as he has lately and as much trouble as he likes to cause, I'm just praying it isn't Future Fugitive. And if you think it couldn't get any worse than that, I have two words for you: Future Husker.(gasp) No wonder I don't sleep as well as I used to.

Before we leave, I thought I would pass on a few tidbits of info that Carrollrillians may like to know prior to our transition. Below are the three most common questions I received from people in Carroll since I've lived here...because enquiring minds want to know.

Question: How could Harlan lose a McDonald's, but keep the Burger King?
Answer: The Burger King took down the HamBurgler in Wrestle Mania XVII, thus taking control of the local fast food burger chain monopoly.

Question: The football team is way too good. They must put steroids in the water, right?
Answer: Of course they put water in the steroids. I was just unfortunate to be on rural water my whole life. :(

Question: There's a lot of money in Shelby County, isn't' there? (Same question can be said for Shelby County residents of Carroll County)
Answer: It all depends on where I live. Wherever I go the money goes. Coincidence? I think not.

So if anyone is looking for a home in Carroll, IA, please, let me know. I will accept tacos as currency in lieu of cash. Terms of the transaction are contingent on not telling Amber that I will accept tacos for real estate. The exchange rate on tacos right now is definitely favorable. Financing available.

Next post: Matt finishes his post by previewing his upcoming post, only to largely disappoint all blog readers when he writes about something completely unrelated.

Side note: Whatever happened to that post Matt promised about similarities between babies and chihuahuas?

Also: More Matt talking about himself in the third person. It's riveting.

In addition: Due to popular demand, more brief titles followed by a colon and incomplete sentences.

Gimmie Three Steps

This is my attempt at Simponizing Eli. http://www.simpsonizeme.com

Last night Amber, Eli, and I were all down in the basement hanging out. Eli's new thing is pulling himself up on various things and showing off by waving one hand in the air. He thinks he's the bomb when he does this.

So anyway, Amber is folding clothes out of the laundry basket and Eli decides to pull himself up on the side of the basket. We were just watching him showboat in his victory stance and he all of the sudden decided to take off toward me, about 5 feet away. Before any of us knew what was going on, he had taken about 3 steps right towards me and was still standing when Amber, shocked by what had happened screamed and grabbed him because she thought he was going to fall down.

The whole event was pretty exciting. Eli got startled by Amber's reaction and in a span of about 7.3 seconds, Amber had gone upstairs to grab her phone, call her mom, and alert the press. Please see tomorrow's Harlan Tribune for the full details.

We'll probably see Eli walking here shortly. He can't wait.

I spent the weekend with vendors from my job visiting from Ohio. They run an HVAC company in Dayton, OH. Friday and Saturday were pretty exhausting for everyone. We went to dinner on Friday night and then tailgated, went to the ISU football game (which was awesome), and finished the day with and ISU basketball game on Saturday. A good time was had by all.

Here is a commercial from the company that was in town. I like it. It's not like other commercials you would see for this type of business and definitely catches your attention. All it needs is a voice-over from Ron Novotny. "They come wreck-a-mended!"

Tomorrow: Big, huge, shocking, earth-shattering news. Stay tuned.

The Laundry Basket 500

It's amazing the things we do to entertain ourselves anymore.

Since Amber and I haven't publicly humiliated ourselves on the blog quite yet, we thought no time like the present. Tonight the Laundry Basket 500 took place in our basement since Eli's taken a liking to the basket. At least this will give Eli a reason to laugh at his crazy parents when he's older.

And I also forgot to post the winning Halloween costume. It was a tough decision, but Elmo won out over the rest.

Eli, Inc. Announces Third Quarter Earnings, Dirty Diapers

Eli, Inc. (NYSE:ELIJAH) reported $3.2 million in net earnings for the third quarter in 2007. Eli, Inc., a subsidiary of Schmitz Enterprises, was acquired on February 3rd, 2007 and has seen much success in the first nine months of operation. Dirty diapers are also up 13.6%, with nearly 7.3% of the blowout variety.

"We were looking to expand our portfolio and really tap into the grandparent segment of the market," said CFO Matt Schmitz. "I really think that we have accomplished that with this acquisition."

In addition to testing well with the grandparent market, Eli, Inc. has also been extremely popular with the Wal-Mart Cashier demographic, elderly shoppers at the local Fareway, and waiters and waitresses in the Mexican Food Service industry.

The development of Eli, Inc can be traced back to nearly two years ago.

"I was the prime incubator of the business model we had proposed," said COO Amber Schmitz. "CFO Matt Schmitz provided the capital and planted the seed to expand the market. All in all the project took about 9 months to get off the ground."

While the initial public offering was scheduled to take place on February 1st, CEO Eli Schmitz made the decision to delay the offering by 45 hours as he was still in the process of developing the finishing touches of the company website. Despite the rocky start, Eli, Inc. has grown by leaps and bounds in its first 9 months of existence.

"A lot of research and development was done on our part in the first quarter," said Matt Schmitz. "We really had no idea what we were doing."

The first and second quarter marked many ups and downs, but the company began to build a lot of momentum halfway through the fiscal year.

"We hit a snag at the beginning of July with a substantial drop in bowel movements, said COO Schmitz. At first we thought it was the overall environment of the bear market and conflict in the Middle-East. It was later found that rice cereal and bananas were the cause of the lackluster performance. We quickly remedied the problem by launching a oat cereal and squash campaign. The results have been beyond our expectations."

Third quarter results have been beyond forecasts, but would have been more impressive without the 17% drop in Sleep.

"Overall, the synergies of adding Eli, Inc to our company portfolio have been very impressive both in the tangibles and intangibles," stated CFO Schmitz, "but the disappointing Sleep results leave us susceptible to our competition."

"All the other key ratios such as crawling, attempting to walk, laughing, sitting up, and spitting up have been increasing at a steady rate."

Schmitz Enterprises plans to continue to grown Eli, Inc. for many years to come with the ultimate objective of splitting it off to operate independently years down the road.

CEO Eli Schmitz is currently under investigation for questionable accounting practices and was unavailable for comment.

CEO Eli Schmitz was last seen in the Bahamas last week. This papparazi photo was taken of Eli celebrating his 9 month birthday with supermodels in a jacuzzi.

Financials (In millions of USD)

Income Statement

Total Revenue - 3,200.00

Gross Diapers - 6,068.00

Operating Drool - 2,303.00

Net Spit Up - 1,930.00

Balance Sheet

Total Current Cheerios - 31,572.00

Total Toys - 53,340.00

Total Current Teeth - 4.50

Total Steps - 21,860.00

Total Gallons Milk - 31,480.00

Cash Flow

Cash from Pooping - 2,738.00

Cash from Baths - -4,971.00

Cash from Stroller Walks - 504.00

Net Change in Wipes - -1,729.00

Key Stats & Ratios

Net Profit Margin - 20.46%

Operating Margin - 24.14%

EBITD Margin - 4.35%

Return on Average Boogers - 15.15%

Return on Average Changings - 25.18%

Emergency Room Visits - 1

Son of a Schmitz

Well, Halloween has come and gone (almost) and aside from dressing up like Elmo last night, I've figured out that Eli has been working hard to get into character for what he really is trying to be for Halloween: an insomniac.

I think the poor kid is afraid he's going to miss something by closing his eyes for more than 2 hours. Last night, we tried to let him get through it himself for almost 2 hours, but he just didn't want to go to sleep. He finally crashed at 3, only to get up 2 hours later. The night before he decided to get up for the day at 3, only to find out at 5:30 that he was really tired and need to go back to bed.

This too, will pass... I hope. It's amazing how lack of sleep can exponentially grow writer's block.; I'm going to bed.

Next Topic: How Chihuahuas and 9 month old babies are eerily similar in their behavior and cute Halloween pictures.

Bad Week

I hate to say it, but I'm glad it's Monday tomorrow. That means that last week is over and I can forget about it. Not saying that everything was bad, but it could have been better.

My cell phone died. Cody went into the hospital. And to top it all off, we had to take Eli to the ER tonight. It was far less serious than we originally thought, but we're glad we went anyway. He had an allergic reaction to some of the food we gave him for dinner. Scared the hell out of us, but he's back to himself again.

Needless to say, blogging hasn't been at the top of my priority list this week, but I'll try to get back on track in the next couple of days.

Halloween Vote

Eli's first Halloween is coming up and I'd like everyone's vote on what costume he should wear. Please leave a comment to vote for your favorite

Luggage...what every kid wants to be for Halloween. The upside of this costume is the immense candy storage space.

Farmer Eli. Time to plant the candy corn.

Biker Chick Eli. I think it's flattering.

Oompa Loompa. No face paint needed. Or Animal from the Muppets:

Hey coach, it's Johnny Orr! Same hair style and everything.

New for Christmas: Anger Me Elmo.

ET-li. Eli phone home.

Walker, Schmitz Ranger

This will be short and sweet because I am really tired and need to get to work early tomorrow morning.

Anyway, I bought a walker for Eli yesterday in Ames after the football game and brought it home last night. Once it was assembled, we put him in and thought he'd love it because he wants to walk (with our assistance) everywhere. Wrong.

He was terrified of the thing because all he could figure out was how to back up and it was freaking him out that we were moving farther away instead of closer. He was tired too, so we figured today may be a little better.

It took a little while, but he finally figured it out tonight. He seems to like it and his initial reaction once he started moving forward was lots of laughing and big screams of excitement. Unfortunately, I was a little late with the camera, but I was able to get some of the footage below. Enjoy.

Editor's Note: You may notice Eli shaking what appears to be a medication bottle. Everyone probably thinks we are the worst parents ever to give our kid a big bottle of pain killers to use as a toy.

In actuality, the bottle is an empty bottle of Amber's nursing vitamins filled with peppercorns for our pepper grinder that Eli likes to shake. We would never let our kid have a dangerous medicine as a toy; we always administer his evening dose of valium and vicodin to help him sleep ourselves. Duh.

Spring Training Starts Tomorrow

Ok, so it's been a while since I've posted and I apologize. My goal is to at post at least twice a week, but I'm not off to a terrific start. It will get better.

He better start using the left hand more often. Everyone knows that southpaws pull down the bigger contracts.

Anyway, I just thought I'd let everyone know what a baby Eli is being lately. I've been thinking a lot about helping him save money for when he gets older and college, and how much money it's going to take to retire when I get older. I was pretty worried about it, but then I realized: Who needs a 401K? I've got a future Major League Baseball player for my nest egg. But lately Eli doesn't seem to agree.

I've been trying to get him ready for his future Major League career, and he's all like, "But Dad, I'm only 8 months old."

And I'm like, "Well, with your Dad's athletic ability in your genes, that 96 MPH fast-ball isn't going to just appear overnight. You better work at it."

Everytime I wake him up at 4 AM for our training session, he's all like, "Dad, why are getting me out of bed again and duct taping this baseball to my hand? I want to go to bed."

I try to tell him, "The grip for a knuckle-curve isn't something that just comes naturally; it takes hard work to get it down."

"If you expect to ever beat out any Dominican player for a spot on a 25-man roster, you had better start changing your work-ethic," I constantly tell him. But by that time he's usually crawling away, chewing on his books or something. Unbelievable. Kids these days!

The real kicker is the other day. We go to the weight room so Eli can work his lower body for more strength off the mound, and he's all like, "Hey Dad, don't you think I should start walking before I worry about pitching?"

I'm all like, "If you ever want to get that extra couple of inches drop on your breaking ball, you need to work on your balance point."

I wait for his response, but by that time, he's all like drooling and playing with his toys and jabbering and stuff. I'm starting to wonder if this kid has the desire to make it to the big leagues. He couldn't do one rep on the power sled and he thought the squat belt was cool because the buckle made a jingling noise. I can't believe this.

Finally, I tried to get him to at least start throwing one of his soft balls to me down in the basement. He's not too bad, but he keeps on putting the ball in this mouth and drooling all over it. I try to tell him, "You can't keep doctoring the ball once you get to the big leagues. You might as well stop throwing spit balls now."

Meanwhile, he's all like giggling and playing with a stuffed animal or something. Unreal. This kid has a long way to go before the big leagues. Tomorrow, we start working on throwing with both arms so he can be a switch pitcher, like this guy:

In all honesty, I really don't care if my kid plays baseball; I just hope he grows up happy and healthy. He can be anything he wants. Whether it's a baseball player, doctor, baseball player, band member, baseball player, lawyer, baseball player, astronaut, baseball player, garbage man, baseball player, or even a baseball player, I just hope he's happy. Heck, I wouldn't even mind if he was a baseball player!

I guess I probably shouldn't rush anything. I think I'll just take a passive approach, kind of like Earl Woods, and let the chips fall where they may.

"Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, "within reason." When I asked her what she meant by 'within reason,' she said, "You ask a lot of questions for a garbage man." - Jack Handey

Schmitz Family Reunion

Every August my parents host the whole Schmitz family at their house in Westphalia. The timing usually coincides with the return of my aunt and uncle from Michigan and mom and dad wanted a way for everyone to get together when they were back home. Since then, August has usually become the time that this event happens, regardless of who can make it. This year the date was August 5th.

The day is usually passed by visiting, eating, playing Pitch, watching the Harvest Tournament, and playing made up games. One year, some invented a game where the object was to toss a piece of pea-rock on the concrete and who ever landed the rock closest to the crack in the concrete wins. Easily entertained we Schmitzes are.

To give you an idea of how many people are actually in my family, if my whole extended family on the Schmitz side were to attend (all descendants of Nick and Sally), we would approximately double the entire population of Westphalia Metro area. But then again, the population boom would only be temporary. Like my dad always says about Westphalia: "The population always stays the same. Every time a woman gets pregnant, a guy leaves town."

Come to think of it, all the Schmitzes should move back to Westphalia. It would be Blazing Saddles all over again. Earling better watch out, because if that ever happens, we may take over as the 5th most populated town in Shelby County. To put it in terms that most of you should understand, if everyone in my family would attend this event, the Harlan Tribune and News Advertiser would have to create a special section dedicated solely to The Westphalia News and would have to file worker's comp on Lorenne Kaufmann for the immense writers cramp she would have from only writing the attendees of the get-together.

My grandparents have 11 children, 40-something grandchildren, over 100 great-grandchildren, and 1 great, great-grandchild:

Anna Rae Gallinger - The First Great, Great-Grandchild of my Schmitz Grandparents

So to summarize how the day went, here is a run down of the fun had by all:

Eating
Playing Pitch
More eating
Sneaking away to watch the Harvest Tournament
Getting yelled at for missing pictures because you were at the Harvest Tournament
More eating
Playing closest rock to the crack
More pitch
Lots of sweating (it's always hot)
More eating
Sweating while playing pitch
Having Grandma for a partner playing pitch and having her yell at you for playing your cards wrong
Eating
Pitch
And more sweating because you ate too much (a.k.a. the meat sweats)


Here are some pictures from the day (thanks to Lynn Schmitz for the photos):

View all the pictures here.

In closing, I'll leave you with the Simpsons reinactment of my grandparents calling the kids in for supper (Telemundo version) Sorry, I couldn't find an English copy, but you get the gist. And yes, while I do have an uncle Cletus, I do not have a cousin Q-Bert (unfortunately).

About Schmitz Goes Dot Com

So I was watching TV the other day and my old pal Homer J. Simpson happened to mention that they have the internet on computers now, so I thought, what the heck, I might as well check it out.

Come to find out that not only can I save a ton of money on my car insurance on Geico.com, waste hours watching clips from The Office & the Wassup Milk kids on youtube.com, jam out to PBJ Time, and prevent myself from having bad luck for the rest of my life by forwaring a chain-email to 246 of my closest friends, but I would also be able to share all things Schmitz with family and friends that might want to know what we've been up to lately.

The Greatest Show on TV

Wassup!

It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!


Well, I've decided to join the rest of the blogging society. I just hope that I can find a way to stick to keeping this up and actually keeping information current, unlike my current exercise regimen and fantasy baseball team (it's amazing that I might still finish 4th when I haven't checked it in over 3 months). Also considering that I am too lazy to ever email anyone and am not real big on using my cellular phone device to keep in touch, this might be a half-way good idea.

Why I hate cell phones


So, instead of posting only completely random stuff, I might as well let you know that Amber, Eli, & I have been doing great lately. Amber is enjoying staying home with Eli (even though he wears her out lately). Eli is "army" crawling and getting into everything. His favorite toys are cords, strings, spoons, spatulas, playstation controllers, and anything that is extremely dangerous for a nearly 8 month old. If only he knew that Mattel had to recall all of his toys, he might actually play with them. We are probably unfit parents. He is getting more teeth and hasn't been sleeping well lately at all, but I guess that goes with the territory.

I have been working quite a bit lately. I just got back from Cincinnati last week and am trying to get back into the routine of being home. We're all doing great though.

So that's it for About Schmitz Volume I. Stay tuned for periodic updates. Hopefully I can keep this blog updated a little better than the Westphalia Boars CYO Basketball site that I haven't touched in over 9 years (link not available thanks to Yahoo! who removed the page due to inactivity).

I will leave you with a video we just took tonight of Eli and his first bath....ever. He was starting to smell a little rank after 8 months. Actually, this was his first bath in the tub. He's starting to want to stand up all the time in the sink and we thought it might be time that he move up to the tub so we can have an even more difficult time getting him to sit still. Thank God for the little blue chair that we have that helps keep him upright (thanks Karen!). The chair also works great to censor what he really wouldn't want everyone seeing. I'm sure he'll thank us when he's 14 and mom and dad make him watch videos of when he was a baby. Enjoy!

I know I'm biased, but he is pretty cute